Sunday, March 28, 2010

waiting to be taken over

After the tumultuous day in college and a relaxed evening at home, when I lie in my bed to be taken over by sleep, I keep waiting. I close my eyes to lose myself to a world of darkness and the one without any thoughts fluttering around so as to calm myself and rejuvenate. But if only it could happen. I shut myself off from the outside world but the world inside me insidiously takes over me in the form of random thoughts. I tried my best to coax these shamelessly creeping thoughts away as to give way to calmness to sweep me away. But haplessly they return every night to pester me and keep me from sleeping. I fought with those evil thoughts for several nights before I decided to confront them. I could not take the constantly nagging glimpses anymore. And I took the plunge.
I waited that night for them to shoot and I was ready to deal with them all one by one.
Through all the previous nights I kept warding them off without paying any heed to them but when I finally did, I realized how resentful I was from myself. How unhappy and unsatisfied I was from my own self. I never acknowledged the long list of questions I had to answer for myself. They never permeated in my conscious being, but reminded me of their existence and their urgency to be resolved when I wanted to be unconscious.
While I was confronting them I realized their relevance. They were no devils to inflict me sleepless nights. Instead they were friendly enough to help me resolve conflicts within myself and in my day-to-day life. Now that am not bothered with any such obnoxious glimpses I am easily swept away in the heaven of peace and serenity away from the bustle of my mind.
Finally after the whole traumatic episode inflicted with restless nights I bow down to the efficacy of the divine process of introspection.