To be or not to be..

To be or not to be is one of the most famous quotes by William Shakespeare which dwells on life and death..but here I am talking about the essence of a person and his apparent death in the process of socialization.

As the famous saying goes, we all are a social animal. And it’s while socializing that we learn to identify ourselves with others and develop a sense of belonging with them, which, as a matter of fact, is most essential to human existence. Most importantly, society makes us discover our own self, for it’s only with respect to others that we can know ourselves and not in isolation.

But where society is kind enough to help us in discovering ourselves, it’s equally cruel towards the person’s individuality.

We all have two aspects to ourselves. The real self, what we are in core and which is usually hidden from others; and the expected self, which is the virtual us made out of combinations of traits that are expected of us by the society.

Now, the ultimate dilemma is whether to be what we actually are or leave our identity within the control of those who are not being themselves either.

It might sound like an easy choice, but each option has its own line of pros and cons.

People are often found saying “be what you are” but do they actually accept others in their true self? Don’t we all have conditions before accepting another person’s company?

Our true self is not always in accord with others’ expectations and neither are others that tolerating towards the differences. And no matter how big the world is, finding like minded people isn’t an easy task.

So what does one do? Settle with the disapproval or find ways to be accepted, most common and convenient, by behavior modification, which could be for good but bad as well.

So, when behavior modification seems like the most convenient way to be accepted and feel belonged, whatever happens to our true self?

Our thoughts, ideas, beliefs and behavior are modified to suit the expectations of others and we distance ourselves from the person we are. But then, doesn’t one’s own thoughts and belief’s intervene with the new formed ones, which the person doesn’t even identify with? Doesn’t that clash in two sets of beliefs create a chaos? And how does one decide upon which way to behave in a given situation?

To add to the misery, what happens when the company changes? The expectations change. And so the behavior changes again..

So should a person keep modifying himself according to his company? Convenient?

To think of the other side, wearing a fake identity seems like a convenient idea. It at least provides a person with a social circle; people to fall back on in times of need, emotional satisfaction; however, weak and transient it be. And I think, the mere illusion of having supportive people around gives enough strength to move on in life, cross the hurdles life throws in one’s way and saves one from the haunting loneliness.

So which mode of life does one choose? Accept oneself and be rejected or reject the own self and be accepted? Live peacefully with oneself or constantly fear loss because of fakeness? Have a few but true people for company or a huge crowd which would probably disappear when problem comes?

Should a person finally take off the mask worn as a result of socialization and be one with himself or continue to silently weep behind the different masks?

So, I guess, the question.. To be or not to be..?? still remains unanswered.